Female-bonding is about women coming together to offer love, strength, hope, faith, support and encouragement to one another. It is about understanding what their issues are, navigating through those issues in the best way possible, and being there for one another. This can be a very important tool to bring about Social Stability for the women involved.
What Then Do We Mean by Social Stability?
Social refers to our relations with one another. We are social beings. We need one another. “I Am because We Are!” None of us fell out from the sky. We came to being physically through two persons who brought us forth. And we are here today because of the persons who have been part of our lives, and because of the people we have met and encountered in our lives both physically and digitally. So, we are indeed Social Beings.
Then Stability. Everyone needs a sense of stability. Have you ever experienced the ground upon which you stand move or shake under you? Oh yes, I have experienced a mild earthshake. It is an experience I will never forget. It makes you think that you are losing yourself right there. Thank God it was mild. But it gave me a taste of what earthquakes could mean. Not funny at all.
So, we need the floor beneath us to be stable so that we feel a sense of safety and ‘groundedness’. If you are not well-grounded, you cannot do whatever it is you need to do. So, stability is important.
Social Stability then points to having relationships whose love, concern, care and support keep you going with confidence in your chosen direction. Just knowing that they are there gives you social firmness and social confidence. You know there is someone you can speak to, reach out to, support, give love to and receive love from. All these give you a sense of social stability. Yes, a sense because these could be present, but they may not mean anything to you. You could remain in a personal world where you do not feel socially supported, yet all the support and love and care are all around you. It all happens in the mind. It is all about your mind, your belief and how you think about yourself and the world around you. If you feel loved and supported, then you are loved and supported.
Forms of Female Bonding
There are various forms or platforms on which female bonding happens. These include: Social groups or associations, Women Health Associations, Women Civil Society Organizations, Women professional Associations, Women religious associations/groups, Women Church groups/Pious Societies, Women training groups, Women ethnic/tribal groups, Women Charity Groups, Girls’ night out / Girls’ social parties. These platforms and groups, when positively directed, support women to be themselves, serve as safe spaces for women, provide role models and help see that like others, they too can achieve so much more in life.
The Ills Around Female-Bonding
- Envy/Jealousy: A woman need not pull down her fellow woman. As a woman, you may do this unconsciously and even unintentionally because we have been socialized to have a higher regard for a man than for a woman. As a woman, you need to be consciously aware of this bias/prejudice and be able to notice it when it begins to play out in your thoughts, actions and words towards another woman, who may be in leadership position or have something you do not have. Why gossip her? Why stab her behind her back? Why can’t you be happy when she succeeds and when she is happy? Why can’t you cry with her when she cries? Why pretend you like her, yet you envy her so much?
- Copy-Cats: You want to copy her lifestyle, but you don’t know her source of income. You keep comparing yourself with others. This will only give rise to low self-esteem, more envy, and behaviours that are uncalled for. It may even bring you ill-feelings about your spouse or partner.
- Husband Snatching / Extra Marital Affairs: Every cheating husband or boyfriend does so with a woman. As a woman, why would you choose to be one who goes behind the curtains with another woman’s man or boyfriend? This may also be a sexual affair with a friend’s husband or with a friend’s boyfriend. Such pleasure is not worth it in the long run. You may seem to get temporary benefits, but you only get to use and dump one another, with nothing much to count for it.
- Lesbianism: Ladies need to be attentive and not let anyone pull them into this. You too, watch yourself. Do not pull anyone into this. Some women indulge in lesbianism because it is a way of rebelling against men, the men in their lives. Maybe they think, “A woman knows what I need, and a fellow woman will bring far less complications to my life.” Whatever your justification, please keep this away from children and other young ladies.
- Show-off and Self-indulgence: Some women want to drive expensive cars, wear expensive jewelries and clothes, yet such women do not have any asset to their name. A lady who is investing millions in assets now, lives a moderate life, while her mates drive the best cars without any plans or investment, who will be the rich one tomorrow? You guess. It is no competition though, however, you rather grow your income, live within your means and have future returns on investment than indulge in showoffs to impress people who do not care or are not affected or impacted by what you have.
- Negative Peer Pressure: You hear that her husband does this, and you go home and quarrel with your husband for not doing the same. You may also be faced with negative peer pressure whereby a close female friend or group of friends engage in something that you do not agree with. You need to change the people you are associating with. The wrong choice of association will not give you positive social stability, rather it will bring complications to your life and relationships.
Some women you bond with may propagate patriarchal (masculine control) ways of thinking and acting. Beware that you do not continue to be a slave to anyone in your life. Every woman must be able to keep her shoulders high, know her rights and responsibility and ensure that she is always treated with dignity, just as she does the same to others.
Benefits of Female-Bonding
There are countless benefits derived from females bonding with one another for a common goal. These benefits include: Inspiration, support, friendship, creating a safe space for one another, an exemplary life, positive influence, leadership practice, right networks, business collaboration, positive exposure, exchange of progressive ideas, knowledge-sharing, sharing of experiences to edify others, support for errands, group financial contributions, support in implementing personal projects or plans, mentorship, coaching, challenge one another to grow, develop and make progress, business partnership, moral support during joyful and sad moments, financial support, good advice, home skills, and so much more.
Finally, Sisters can be mutual blessings to one another. This should be the mindset towards one another: Dear Daughter of the Universe, what can I do for you? What can I do to add value to you? What can I do to support you to continue to give life and add joy and beauty to the world every day?
Dear Daughter of Zion, the world awaits you. The world looks up to you to be her mother and friend.
Dear Daughter of the World, you are your most precious gift. Take care of yourself, love your self so that you can care for and love others.
Dear Sister, You Are Amazing! You Are Loved! You Are Blessed and Favoured! Never forget these!
May Strength, Courage, Peace, Love, Hope, Abundance and Fulfillment be Yours, Now and Always!
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