You make your marriage what it becomes. If you take responsibility for it in this way, then you can steer it in the direction you want it to go. The interesting thing is that in the early days and period of the relationship, there is so much ‘lovey-dovey’ between the couple. But as kids, career, responsibility, titles, business and other modern life demands come along, the exciting emotions of love ‘seem’ to wear out. Then you begin to wonder, “What is really happening?”
It means that as time and life and other demands get in the way, if you want to keep up the spice in your love relationship, you and I will have to be very intentional about it. It cannot be left to chance. It cannot be taken for granted that, “Of course, we love each other”. It can no longer be assumed that we are still on the same page in our usual feelings for each other. Experience has taught you and I that those exciting emotions and feelings of attraction can wear off faster than you imagine.
So, as you begin the marriage ride, or as you continue this awesome journey called “marriage”, be ready to give it your consciousness. Be ready to live it with awareness. Be ready to make that love an ACTION WORD.
Yes, as the excitement slows down, you just can’t allow it go that route. Active expressions of love and desire will need to be fully reawakened from time to time. If you take it for granted that it is just there, you do so at the peril of the marriage.
The Vacuums We Create
Just be aware that nature abhors vacuum. So, if in your marriage, you have left a certain vacuum around your spouse, in one aspect or the other, then you are asking that it be filled by something or someone you are not aware of.
What vacuum have you recently or for a long time left around your spouse? Do you caress him? Do you kiss her often? Do you call him sweet names and hail him? You say you are not used to it. Then find a way to begin doing so. Is the buying of gift just one-sided? She does not always need expensive gifts. If you come home and give her something useful to her or give her something as a gift on her birthday, wouldn’t that be nice? If you too see his needs and get him that piece of item so useful to him, would he not appreciate you?
On the other hand, it means you and I need to be grateful for whatever we receive. He might be uncomfortable giving you a gift because he thinks or he knows you will not even appreciate it. Maybe your wife only appreciates expensive gifts, then maybe it is because she knows for sure that you can afford it, or it is just her style. You know her better, and if you really do love her, then find a way to empathize with her and negotiate on the kind of stuff she likes. And as the woman, do you just wait to be given gifts all the time and never shift a finger? By so doing, you also create a vacuum.
Still on vacuums, where is the place of romance and sex in that relationship? Has your sexual desire for your spouse gone on vacation? Does he look like an old man to you now after just a few years of marriage? Don’t be too sure about that. That guy you are looking at, if given the chance – which you must give, is still very much alive and awake with romance and sexual matters. Do not allow persons outside your marriage know that better than you do.
You too, treat her like that sweet young lady you once met and loved. Keep dating her. Whenever you have the means, symbolically pay her bride price again as a way of showing how much you love and treasure her. Explore your sexual fantasies with her. Don’t take or keep it outside with someone else. Ask her and get to know her sexual fantasies too. Not doing all these is causing a lot of damages and dissatisfaction in many marriages. Let’s put this sexual shy-ness and unnecessary sexual modesty (between us) aside.
Make an effort to excite and reawaken that sexy-ness in yourself and show him you still have it. Then see what happens. You might be surprised at what you discover. What ever it is, just don’t leave that vacuum.
On your part as the man, have you left so much responsibilities and cares in the home to her such that she almost does not notice you are there? Ask many women, they will tell you. Has she become a bread winner and burdened with much worries on how to cloth and feed the children, and overburdened right under your watch? Okay, you may not be sensitive to this or even give it much thought, but in this way, you are leaving a vacuum in her life. She would easily feel taken for granted and not appreciated. In the marriage, the cares and needs of the family, cannot be left to either the man or the woman alone. It kills the team spirit which is meant to be part of the romance, loving excitement, and regard for each other.
Closing the Gaps
Life is a choice. You are blessed with a freewill to choose your thoughts and actions. Not even God has taken this away from you. So, if you want something to work for you then you have to work at it. As adults in a loving relationship, it is our responsibility to review our marriage relationship and the individual role played in getting the relationship where it is. With this, we can begin to dialogue, trace back our steps, correct ourselves and make the relationship as beautiful and even more beautiful than those moments we were dating.
We can revive that fire paying more attention to each other, caring more, loving in practical ways and creating time to be with each other. Find reasons to be with each other. Take a walk together. Eat together. My husband and I have the habit of sharing one meat or one fish. Even when there are two pieces of meat or fish, we tend to eat one together first and then the other too. This is just a silly example of creating some sync between yourselves.
You don’t have to be like another couple because you are not. What is working for them may not work for you. However, that does not mean that you can not emulate good and inspiring examples. You could try out something another couple does and then you discover that it brings in the love sparkle that you desired to achieve.
Keeping same values, principles and each one working towards their life’s purpose, keeps our relationship strong. Praying together, reading God’s word together and supporting each other in our various works for the good of the human society all adds up to making our marriage the beautiful relationship we desire it to be.
Together We Can… Make our Marriage Bubble with Undying Love!
So what YOU DO or DO NOT DO… Matters!
(To be Continued – on Part 2)
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