Human beings generally come in two genders; either as male or female, while leaving out other complexities. So, “…male and female God created them”, as the bible says. Variety is nature’s way of reminding us about two things; beauty and complementariness. Our point of focus will be on the masculine gender. This is not meant to give the impression that any gender is better than the other, but that they each have their place in making our families, society and nation better.
As a way of definition, masculinity has to do with perceptions, behaviours, attributes, expectations and qualities regarded as characteristics of a man. These are often ascribed by culture, tradition, practices and examples handed down to young ones, generation after generation. This also means that none of it is cast on stone. Culture, traditions and practices evolve, yet within that, individuals have a choice to represent themselves or portray themselves as they so wish.
In line with this individual freedom, it goes without saying that what is most important in your life is not that you are this gender or that gender. It is the impact you make in this world, the value you add to your family, the positive contribution you make to society through your position, the memories you live with the less privileged, poor and oppressed, and hence the kind of legacy you leave behind you that counts.
Look around you today, how much of what you see as masculine is positive, transforming, exemplary (role modeling), empowering, inspiring, based on values and great leadership?
In a society that has given the upper hand to the man, much is expected of him. This point is important because we cannot hid from the fact that in today’s society, the man is often the one at the helms of affair, is regarded as the head of the family, is the one who often get inheritances, and who often takes up positions of leadership. Hence, within this context, the man has a huge responsibility to be that figure that can be a force for good within his family and in the society.
Instead what do we see around us from male figures? We see embezzlement of public funds, corrupt deals, exploitation, fraudulent activities, do-or-die politics, cooking the books – falsification of records, wife battery, domestic violence, absentee fathers, sexual violence, rape, personal conduct resulting from low self-esteem, and indifference towards the plight of the poor, orphans, widows, the marginalized and the oppressed.
However, it is not all doom and gloom. There are exemplary men in our society for whom integrity and honesty is a treasured beacon. Though you would agree that many times, such men of tested repute are generally not the persons you find in most top positions. Nonetheless, in their little corners, they make impact. They may eventually get recognized and placed in positions where they can have greater influence and make greater impact.
Here is the ideal place of the man. Yes, I would like my husband, my brother, my uncle, my nephews, my male cousins and male colleagues to have high self-esteem, be persons of integrity and honesty, be people who stand for fairness and justice, and who are a voice for the voiceless, persons who use their positions and authority, not to exploit, but to nurture and groom the next generation, persons who dialogue and seek reconciliation – not intimidate, persons who have high regard for good values and principles and who practice transformational, selfless, credible and effective leadership.
This man need not live his life based on some “stomach infrastructure”. Society has told him that he is the head and so he must hustle to “make it”. Society tells him he needs to be strong and violent to attain success. His peers tell him he needs to belong. Society tells him he must do anything to become rich and prosperous. So, in the process of being the man as described by society, he loses himself.
You lose yourself to fit into the expectations of society as well as the false images you have created in your mind about yourself. Pride, ego and crave for power and wealth becomes your driving force. Yet, your primary (life) purpose for “be-ing” has to do with following your inner inspiration to make yourself better, supporting those around you to be better, and using your position, gifts, skills, and all that you have been blessed with to serve humanity.
Our society long for great leadership from you. You can develop yourself into a great and effective leader by subscribing and listening to John C. Maxwell’s weekly podcasts on leadership. Our families long for responsible fathers and husbands who are present and see to the needs of their families. Our sons need father figures and role models who guide and exemplify good values to them. Our communities need men who are peace-loving, community-builders, men who do not politicize development in the community and who strive towards community reconciliation and harmony. Our nation needs leaders who inspire, who are selfless, disciplined, focused on the common good and bent on leaving behind a legacy that positively impacts the next generation.
Together We Can… Develop Masculinity that Positively Impacts!
But what YOU DO matters!
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