In looking at the subject of human dignity, the first part of this piece dwelt on the definition of human dignity, dignity in marriage, and the importance of individuality in relationship as a way of promoting self-esteem, self-worth and one’s happiness. This second part will explore the relationship between dignity and personal freedom, self-assertion, and the human longing for dignity. The woman particularly needs to understand the importance of her dignity, so she does not put herself down or allow others to do so.
Dignity and Personal Freedom
Does a woman lose her freedom because she is married to someone? Recently, a woman shared her story of how her experience of marriage has been one that lacked personal freedom. This lady has had seven children, with a second grandchild on the way, but she also has a husband who does not allow her to step out of the house on her own for any reason. If she must, it must be for a reason that is convincing to her husband and she must be in the company of someone trusted by her husband. I then understood why she told me that she will be coming with her husband to purchase an item from me.
Interestingly, many women suffer various kinds of restrictions from their husbands in the bid to keep them under control, watch their excesses, and keep the woman subjugated. You may be surprised how many of the women you see around you who go through this in their marriage, but you never get to hear of it. This cuts across poor, average-income, wealthy homes, literate, and illiterate individuals.
No man would want a woman he is married to, to become the remote control of his life, yet there are many men who in various shapes and forms do this to their wives.
“Freedom, morality, and the human dignity of the individual consists precisely in this; that he does good not because he is forced to do so, but because he freely conceives it, wants it, and loves it.” – Mikhail Bakunin
It’s one thing to support and encourage your wife to go a certain direction or do things in a certain way, but it is quite another to force her to do things just as you want it done because you think you know what is better for her. Even when you think you do it still needs to be in the spirit of dialogue and an attitude and willingness to support that which she desires for herself. Perhaps, you need to remember too that you married someone who has a reasoning faculty, great potentials and has personal capabilities that are waiting to be explored for the good.
“Freedom is the open window through which pours the sunlight of the human spirit and human dignity.” – Herbert Hoover
To take away a person’s freedom is to cast a shadow on the person’s spirit and dignity. No human being would want his or her freedom to be taken away, yet this happens to women in marriage.
Seen but Not Heard
According to Anthony Eden, “Nothing is more destructive of human dignity than a rule which imposes a mute and blind obedience”. When one gender, be it female or male, is left out and not given a voice, it is a destruction of human dignity.
Many people are comfortable with an all-men-affairs in social, political and economic circles, in decision making, including those decisions that affect mostly women. They seem not to give even a thought to it. This includes persons and organizations that claim to be gender-sensitive. No conscious effort is made to ensure that the voices of women are included in making decisions that affect mostly women, for example. They see all-men-affairs as a norm and even as a prerogative of men. So why bother about it?
In our days, being the head of the home has become ever more challenging in the wake of women empowerment, women enlightenment and the knowledge of equal rights, dignity and responsibility. This is easier for men who are open to seeing the woman as an equal who can contribute to the home and build the family’s future collaboratively. Instead, it has gotten harder for men who hold on to their old ideas of taming and controlling the woman and deciding what becomes of her life. He also gets to decide how many children she must have for him.
When as head of the family, you have no set goal towards which you are leading the family, then the family will have no sense of direction. Perhaps your ‘headship’ only pops up when you are imposing your will on the woman or on the children.
Rather, a man’s leadership can be exercised in many subtle ways without employing force, emotional pressures or any form of violence. As a leader, he can take it upon himself to journey and grow with each of the kids, understand their issues, spend time with them, provide their personal and basic needs as best as he can – including education, exemplify values, principles, personal discipline and constraint, and truly become their friend. Tyranny, physical violence, beatings and constant show of anger only drive the children into the wrong hands and into making wrong choices.
When as a leader of the family, everyone’s dignity is respected, it creates the right environment for everyone to flourish and explore the good things they want to do with their lives.
Give Me Food; I Need My Dignity; I Own It
Your dignity is inherent. It is yours, but it could be trampled upon. When you are not fully aware of the importance of your dignity, you could allow yourself to feel belittled or maltreated by others.
As Mother Theresa said, “We need to realize that poverty doesn’t only consist of being hungry for bread, but rather it is a tremendous hunger for human dignity. We need to love and to be someone for someone else”. The human person longs to safeguard his or her dignity just like a hungry man seeks food to quench his hunger.
When children are left in poverty and hunger, they lose a sense of their dignity. This could lead them into situations that bring them more disregard and dishonor. It is incumbent on fathers and mothers to safeguard the dignity of their children who are not yet able to provide for themselves.
Even for our growing boys and girls, we need to be attentive to their needs as poverty and hunger can drive them into dishonor and an undignified life.
When the burden of feeding, clothing and educating the child/children is left to the woman alone, as is the case in many unplanned births, marriages and homes, the dignity of the woman is at stake. What she does to ensure that child gets the basic needs to survive could be quite telling.
As adults, we have the noble responsibility to ensure that we conduct ourselves with dignity as we are fully responsible for the choices we make and for how we respond to the circumstances, people or situations that come into our lives.
Together We Can… Safeguard Everyone’s Dignity
So what YOU DO… as an Individual Matters!
(To be continued – in Part 3)
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